Okay, okay, i know how much all of you absolutely hate chain letters so here you go: a complete mockery of all the chain letters as we know them.
Read on to see exactly what you've been waiting for, for a long time.
The four basic types of chain letters:
Chain Letter Type 1:
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>> Make a wish!!!
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>> Really, go on and make one!!!
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>> Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
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>> wish something else!!!
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>> Not that, you pervert!!
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>> Is your finger getting tired yet?
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>> STOP!!!!
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Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel
guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a
certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a
mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's
true! Because.
Send this to 1 person: One person will be mad at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be mad at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be mad at you for sending them a
stupid chain letter.
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be mad at you for sending them a
stupid chain letter.
20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people will be mad
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, and no parents. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every
time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless
Armless Parentless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no
way of counting letters sent and this is all a big lie. So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!!
Chain Letter Type 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many snotty little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works.
Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a
flood of trash, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell
nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his girlfriend.
They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where
they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This
Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one
of your friends.
Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell bad,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you stupid chain letters because he wants his wish of his crush asking him out to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will come for you in your
sleep!!
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There. Now that we've covered and ripped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity,
send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but
otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care,
but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make
people feel guilty (i.e. the Little Starving Legless Armless Parentless boy
from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up
in a waterfall of trash) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone
else in the world, and say "NO MORE CHAIN LETTERS!!"
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