|Can't we just be friends?||There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch mine, again|
|I just need some space||without you in it|
|Can you help me with my homework?||If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.|
|Do I look fat in this dress?||We haven't had a fight in a while|
|No, pizza's fine||Cheap bastard|
|I just do not want a boyfriend now||I just do not want (you as) a boy-friend|
|I don't know; what do you want to do?||I can't believe that you have nothing planned|
|Come here||My puppy does this too|
|I like you but...||I don't like you|
|You never listen||You never listen|
|We're moving too quickly||I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend|
|I'll be ready in a minute||I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.|
|Oh, no, I will pay for myself||I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch|
|Oh Yes! Right there||Well, near there; I just want to get this over with|
|I'm just going out with the girls.||We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends|
|There's no one else||I am doing your brother|
|Size doesn't count...||unless I want an orgasm|
|WHAT GUYS SAY||WHAT THEY MEAN|
|It is just orange juice, try it||3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.|
|She's kind of cute||I want to bang her till I am blue|
|I don't know if I like her||She won't blow me|
|I need you||My hand is tired|
|I had her||I had (wet dreams about) her all week.|
|I really want to get to know you better||so we can do what I tell my friends we do already.|
|How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?||Is my penis really that small?|
|You're the only girl I've ever cared about||You are the only girl who has not rejected me|
|I want you back||...for tonight anyway|
|We've been through so much together||If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity|
|I miss you so much||I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look good|
|No, I do not want to dance right now||Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on|
|The break-up should not start for another 24 hours||I want to have sex a few more times|
|I am different from all the other guys||I am not circumcised|
1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damnit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
Article one: Statement of Love: The kiss
Kiss on the hand..... I adore you
Kiss on the cheek....I just want to be friends
Kiss on the neck..... I want you
Kiss on the lips....... I love you
Kiss on the ears..... Im just Playing
A kiss anywhere elsel..... Lets not ger carried away
Look in the eyes..... Kiss me
Paying with your hair..... I can't live without you
Hands on waist... I love you to much to let you go
Article two: 3 steps
1. Girls if a guy trys to get fresh, Slap him.
2. Guys if a girl slaps you, kiss her.
3. Guys and Girls close your eyes when kissing it isn't polite to stare.
Article three: The commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give and take.
3. Thou shall kiss at every oppertunity.
As I look out at the majestic sea,
I know you and I were meant to be.
I only wish I could make you see
how much your love means to me.
I wish I could walk up to you
and speak the words that lovers do.
But now I sit here sad and blue
wishing that I could be with you.
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog reply's, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
The origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on. The one who breaks the chain will have bad luck. Do not keep this letter. Do not send money. Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. You will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken. You will receive good luck in four days.
The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
This chain got started in 1997. In 5 days you are supposed to give it to 27 teens. Its is easy. go into chat rooms and find them. Anyway send it to 27 teens in 5 days. Now comes the fun part you then say the name of the person you like or love then that person will either ask you out or tell you they love you. > NO JOKE. Now the conquences. The punishments are, if you break the chain, you will have bad luck in love, or in relationships for 0 years. If you don't break the chain you will be a happy camper!!
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