The Guys & Gals Chain Letter
Hey guys and gals...this is mad funny



Can't we just be friends?There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch mine, again
I just need some spacewithout you in it
Can you help me with my homework?If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.
Do I look fat in this dress?We haven't had a fight in a while
No, pizza's fineCheap bastard
I just do not want a boyfriend nowI just do not want (you as) a boy-friend
I don't know; what do you want to do?I can't believe that you have nothing planned
Come hereMy puppy does this too
I like you but...I don't like you
You never listenYou never listen
We're moving too quicklyI am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend
I'll be ready in a minuteI AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.
Oh, no, I will pay for myselfI am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch
Oh Yes! Right thereWell, near there; I just want to get this over with
I'm just going out with the girls.We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends
There's no one elseI am doing your brother
Size doesn't count...unless I want an orgasm



It is just orange juice, try it3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.
She's kind of cuteI want to bang her till I am blue
I don't know if I like herShe won't blow me
I need youMy hand is tired
I had herI had (wet dreams about) her all week.
I really want to get to know you betterso we can do what I tell my friends we do already.
How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?Is my penis really that small?
You're the only girl I've ever cared aboutYou are the only girl who has not rejected me
I want you back...for tonight anyway
We've been through so much togetherIf it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity
I miss you so muchI am so horny that my roommate is starting to look good
No, I do not want to dance right nowShoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on
The break-up should not start for another 24 hoursI want to have sex a few more times
I am different from all the other guysI am not circumcised


A peach is a peach,
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue,
so open your mouth, close your eyes,
and give your tongue some exercise!!!!



1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
2. Can I borrow a quarter ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her that I just met the girl of my dreams I want to call your mom and thank her.
3. Is your dad a thief?? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Yes.")
4. Your so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.
5. Would you be my love buffet?? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
8. You must be tired. ["Why?"] You were running through my dreams all night.
9. That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.
10. My name's [state your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
11. My name's [state your name], but you can call me "Lover."
12. Nice shoes. Wanna Get it on??
13. What do you say we go out for a pizza and then a F***?? ["No."] You don't like pizza?? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Okay.")
14. Can I flirt with you??
15. Your dad must've been a Baker, 'cause you got a nice set of buns.
16. (Look at his/her shirt tag. When they say, "What are you doing?") Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
17. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
18. If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me??
19. Tell me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
20. (Grab his/her ass.) Pardon me, is this seat taken??
21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
22. Can you give me directions? ["To where?"] Your heart.
23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
24. How 'bout you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.
25. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
27. How 'bout you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes.
28. [Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.
29. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/shirt/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
30. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
31. I hope you know CPR 'cause you take my breath away.
32. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
33. My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------ 50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damnit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"


The Lovers of the Heart

In order to form a perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.

Article one: Statement of Love: The kiss

Kiss on the hand..... I adore you
Kiss on the cheek....I just want to be friends
Kiss on the neck..... I want you
Kiss on the lips....... I love you
Kiss on the ears..... Im just Playing
A kiss anywhere elsel..... Lets not ger carried away
Look in the eyes..... Kiss me
Paying with your hair..... I can't live without you
Hands on waist... I love you to much to let you go

Article two: 3 steps

1. Girls if a guy trys to get fresh, Slap him.
2. Guys if a girl slaps you, kiss her.
3. Guys and Girls close your eyes when kissing it isn't polite to stare.

Article three: The commandments

1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give and take.
3. Thou shall kiss at every oppertunity.

Wishes of a Lover

As I look out at the majestic sea,
I know you and I were meant to be.
I only wish I could make you see
how much your love means to me.
I wish I could walk up to you
and speak the words that lovers do.
But now I sit here sad and blue
wishing that I could be with you.

**** A Little Humor to Brighten Your Day ****

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog reply's, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

The origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on. The one who breaks the chain will have bad luck. Do not keep this letter. Do not send money. Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. You will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken. You will receive good luck in four days.

The New Priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,

"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


This chain got started in 1997. In 5 days you are supposed to give it to 27 teens. Its is easy. go into chat rooms and find them. Anyway send it to 27 teens in 5 days. Now comes the fun part you then say the name of the person you like or love then that person will either ask you out or tell you they love you. > NO JOKE. Now the conquences. The punishments are, if you break the chain, you will have bad luck in love, or in relationships for 0 years. If you don't break the chain you will be a happy camper!!

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